Waiting out the miseries caused by Thanksgiving – nausea, dizzy spells and other fun symptoms of too much kibbeh. Or maybe too much sugar. Certainly the sugar OD has played a part in the relapse of anxiety disorder, the feeling of being trapped on the foggy far side of reality, looking out at everyone as if through one of those bubbly translucent shower walls.
I barely made it to work this morning. As I struggled to get through my massage morning, I realized that I felt hung over, and was indeed acting like someone under the influence of some destructive addiction. I go through long bouts of overwhelmedness in my life, where I feel completely unable to tackle what I see as an impossibly long list of tasks. My therapist once told me I had to be the head of my household. I would have laughed in her face, had it not been De – someone into whose face one DOES NOT laugh. What I didn’t tell her was that these bouts of incapability started a long time ago, when I was 14, and were my initial reason for getting into therapy. Back then, I thought it was because I was disorganized. I still haven’t completely figured it out, and I suppose I should, because the lack of organization causes chaos in our family.
I love Ru dearly. She has incredible strong points. Organizational thought is not one of them. She can DO, absolutely. But she’s not the best planner. Neither am I, but De was right – I have it in me, if I can get over this stumbling block. Somebody’s got to organize.
I’d better heave my sorry ass off this couch and get to my night shift.