Monthly Archives: July 2009

Blue’s Muse: M.I.A.

GOD DAMN IT!!! I CAN’T WRITE!!! I am SERIOUSLY fed up with this situation.

At least I can still read.  I’m heading over to Meta Watershed.


Infant Dog Gives Up On Life, Attempts Suicide

July 28, 11:30pm. New family dog swallows nectarine pit.

11:35pm. Google: nectarine pits poisonous. Also un-poopable to 5-pound puppy.

11:55am. ER Vet. Pit seen in stomach x-ray. And a staple.

July 29, 12:30am. Surgery discussed. Barf-inducer administered.

2:00am. Puppy barfs. Pit expelled. Relief and high-fives all around. Puppy licks mom’s face with vomit-breath tongue. Mom thinks, we should’ve adopted a gecko.

This is oh so silly… it’s just my head. This is oh so silly… it’s just my head. This is oh so silly… it’s just my head…

I think it’s the drugs.  I haven’t been able to write in a dog’s age.  See?  I just wrote “a dog’s age”.  There is absolutely nothing creative about writing “a dog’s age”.   I feel like I’m giving up my spark to attain mental stability.  I am calm.  Things don’t bother me.  I have perspective.  I do my chores, I maintain a family calendar, I make appointments, I pay bills on time.  If my emotions have always been a teeter-totter, I am now riding in the middle – no ups and downs.  No passion.  Just . . . calm.  Like I’m on – well, drugs.

I miss the old Blue.

I don’t want to be a Stepford!

Stepford Wife

Hello, Bobbie.
Oh, hello, Joanna.
How are you?
I’m fine. How are you?
I’m fine. How are the children?

Holy Milk Money, Batman

Earlier in the year, I filled out a bunch of paperwork to try to get Rocky a little money to go to a private hippie school.  By hippie, I mean like Waldorf- or Montessori-style hippie.  By private, I mean like Catholic School.  Our little section of Louisville Metro is like Chinatown, except it’s Chinatown for Irish Catholics.  Every private school around here, even the hippie schools, start with “Holy” – Holy Cross, Holy Trinity, Holy Spirit … our first choice school we shall, for the sake of blogular anonymity, call Sisters of Holy Rolling Hippies Academy.

So we recently got a call from Sisters of Holy Rolling Hippies informing us that Rocky was, indeed, awarded a scholarship.  Today, we got a letter from the state telling us she was awarded another scholarship through the highly competitive School Choice Award program.  Between the two programs, Rocky, age 5, has been awarded seven thousand dollars. To go to Kindergarten.

Holy Cow.

Introducing Walter.

Walter is a lemon-sized cyst that lives on my right ovary.  Walter’s favorite pasttimes are jogging, high-impact aerobics, horseback riding and dancing the Sailor’s Hornpipe on my fallopian tubes.  Walter also likes to watch those gross surgical procedures they show on cable.  Which is great, for Walter, because very soon Walter is going to see surgery in extreme close-up.

Come on, come on, Shelter Lady, finish the paperwork before my wife returns to her senses



Mom was a puggle, whatever that is, apparently something with pointy-outy eyes, and Dad was a miniature Australian shepherd.  Whatever that is.  Something miniature.

Sugarpaw ain’t no coonhound.

But she’s all heart, and galumpy tripsy paws, and she’s aaawwwww, and she is 100% Rocky’s New Puppy.


And then my heart broke.

Ev: “What’s a uterus?”

Blue: “It’s the place in your tummy where a baby grows.”

Ev: “I don’t want to have a baby, because it hurts.”

Blue: “It does hurt.  You could adopt a baby, if you wanted to.  That would be very beautiful.”

Ev: “I want to adopt a baby, because that’s what my mommies did.”

Ry: “When I grow up, I want to adopt a child, and live alone with the child.”

Ev: “It’s very hard to get adopted.  It’s hard to find someone to adopt you.”

“How Many Families are Adopting Transracially?

  • The most recent estimate of transracial adoption was performed in 1987 by the National Health Interview Survey (NHIS). The findings revealed that only 8% of all adoptions include parents and children of different races.
  • 1% of white women adopt black children
  • 5% of white women adopt children of other races
  • 2% of women of other races adopt white children (estimates include foreign-born). (Stolley, 1993)
  • An estimated 15% of the 36,000 adoptions of foster children in FY 1998 were transracial or transcultural adoptions. (US DHHS, 2000)

If I could find overall statistics on percent of white children to children of color adopted in the U.S. (I know they’re out there, I just can’t get my hands on them), I think you’d be as appalled as I am.