New Year’s Wishes

For the most part, I’m really here.  I just don’t look back much.  It’s what I’ve got to do to keep panic at bay.  Every once in a while, though, I catch a faint scent of Austin . . . running across a photo of coots on Town Lake, for example, or a sudden memory-flash of Ev’s delightful sunny laugh.  Then mourning washes over me, as I look out on the dim sky and gray landscape of urban Kentucky winter.

It’s nothing like it was before I started meds.  I feel like I can finally start living, now.  And though I miss my life and community in Austin terribly, and have not yet found anything familiar to cling to here, I can still see the big picture, why we needed to come here.  The familiar will come.  Making that happen is my personal goal for 2009 – for me and Rocky, and for Rukan, a new familiar.  And for Aza, some really sweet waves, no fistfights, and a girl who thinks nice guys are sexy.

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One response to “New Year’s Wishes

  1. Moving is so hard. Have you ever read – okay, now I can’t remember what it’s called – it’s kind of like a list of the stages to a change like moving. I read in in a book called Canadians Living Overseas, but it shouldn’t be hard to find, and it suggested some coping strategies, since most of our unthinking strategies tend to be unhealthy (turtling, depression, substance abuse, stuff like that). Anyway, it helped me to know that what I was going through wasn’t just me being screwed up, and that the overwhelmedness was to be expected. Hang in there.

    This may sound weird, but maybe you could pick up a locally relevant gardening magazine, and start dreaming about what kind of flowers/garden you might like to plant in the new place. Just a thought; dreaming about my garden gets me through the cold winter months.

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