For the most part, I’m really here. I just don’t look back much. It’s what I’ve got to do to keep panic at bay. Every once in a while, though, I catch a faint scent of Austin . . . running across a photo of coots on Town Lake, for example, or a sudden memory-flash of Ev’s delightful sunny laugh. Then mourning washes over me, as I look out on the dim sky and gray landscape of urban Kentucky winter.
It’s nothing like it was before I started meds. I feel like I can finally start living, now. And though I miss my life and community in Austin terribly, and have not yet found anything familiar to cling to here, I can still see the big picture, why we needed to come here. The familiar will come. Making that happen is my personal goal for 2009 – for me and Rocky, and for Rukan, a new familiar. And for Aza, some really sweet waves, no fistfights, and a girl who thinks nice guys are sexy.