Local Woman Retires as Lunch Captain

I’m graduating again tomorrow. This will be my second graduation from massage school – the first being my 250 hours, what I needed to get my license. This will mark the completion of my entire 550-hour training in Swedish, Deep Tissue, Sports, side-lying (prenatal) massage, clinical bodywork and structural assessment, hydrotherapy, and all the anatomy, physiology, ethics, business, pharmacology, pathology and yes, chakras, that you can fit into a year. Whew. Now I’m ready for the National Certification. I hope.

Once again, I’ll be giving some sort of speech at graduation. Apparently last semester’s speech was well liked enough that I’ve been conscripted into giving another one. Or maybe it’s just that my classmates didn’t want to do it, and knew I’d say yes if they pushed me. When the director asked who would like to say a little something, Rand coughed “LUNCHCAPTAIN” into his sleeve, and everyone pointed at me and punched me in the arm until I said yes.

Near the beginning of my time at school, one of my classmates needed some massage cream, and called to me, “Cream Wench, fetch me some cream!”, snapping his fingers authoritatively. That one stuck for a few days, but was soon surpassed by “Speed Stripper” – not for the speed at which I unclothed for a massage trade, or even for the “Table Dance” moment Stephanie and I had one day, but rather for my efficient use of time while “stripping the rhomboids” – a massage stroke specialized for the area between your shoulder blades. But finally they all settled on “Lunch Captain” for me. I suppose I earned it for my lunchtime leadership, when it came time to decide between Phoenicia or Phil’s.

I think my nickname for second semester should’ve been “Chakra Khan”. In fact, I think I just found the subject for my speech . . .

Baby baby when I trade with you
I feel my heart chakra alive
There’s something about the things you do
That keeps my chakras satisfied

Oh yeah . . . I’m going to run with this!


One response to “Local Woman Retires as Lunch Captain

  1. Maggie Jochild

    O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful shift is done;
    The spine has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
    Lunchtime is near, the bells I hear, the stomachs all a-growling,
    While follow eyes the lagging clock, the client still in toweling:

    But O damn! damn! damn!
    O indecision trills,
    My colleagues are at impass:
    Phoenicia’s or Phil’s?.

    (Apologies to Walt Whitman)

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