I’d like to introduce my partner Mo. Here’s a conversation we had today, so you can get to know her a little better.
Me, in kitchen, chopping something: I am SO looking forward to our date on Saturday.
Mo, in office, looking at computer: Me too, Baby.
Me: So what do you want to do after we drop off Rocky? Stop by the store and pick up finger food, come home for a few hours? Then go to the performance? Or ditch the performance and stay home all night?
Mo: Sounds great, Baby.
Me: That’s not the right answer.
Mo: What’d you say?
[a few moments of quiet chopping and reading]
Mo: Oh MAAANNN!!!
Me: What?! What?!
Mo: Oh, MAN!! There’s a GAME on Saturday!
Me: Oh. A game.
Mo: Two REALLY BIG TEAMS. Ohhhhhhh! [whining] Oh, Baby!
Me: It’s your choice. It’s the rare occasion we have a night to ourselves. Football or sex?
Mo: Can’t we have sex while I watch football???
Mo: RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN SCORE!!!
I love my wife. I love her I love her I love her I love her I love her and if my neighbor looks in our window on Saturday night it’s not beefy men in buttpads he’ll be seeing.